This isn't going to be easy. The tide seems to be turning on us. We know, 49 out of 55. On the same field as Matt Leinart. Every other starter got the night off. Wait a tick? Do you think that means what we think it means? No, Shanny wouldn't do that. Has he said anything to you? He won't talk to us. He's kind of a prick any way. We adore you.
Hey, Buddy. Man, you look thirsty. Don't you remember what we said last time? What? Both, your belly and your head hurt? Oh Man, we're sorry. Go ahead take some time off. Most professionals do. This is how you gain a reputation. Both on and off the field. You're doing great. Don't listen to them.
Al, its good to see you. We know, it was hard work today. But, just think. You got ten extra days of practice on NCAA 11. Your Xbox skills have come along way. You'll be running shit soon enough. When Coach gets off your back, that locker room will be yours again. Just like that one golden year with Coach Zorn. Anyhow, it's really a pleasure to see you again. Go ice your knee, or whatever you "tweaked" today. We'll see you on Xbox Live in a bit.
This is a healthy knee. Albert Haynesworth, what condition is your condition in? According to medical professionals, you've been stricken with two of these healthy knees. We know, we know. It's not fair. First they lie about the 3-4. And now this? The nerve. How could they switch your x-rays like that? It almost seems like they're doing this to make you look bad. Doesn't it? No really, we were kidding. Get to work. Dick.
Albert, we're proud of you. We know getting paid millions for twenty minutes of work is tough. Believe us, we know. We don't want you to listen to what others are saying. You keep being you, and we'll be happy to have your company. That's what its all about, right? Anyways, sorry for wasting your time. We know we'll see you when you're ready. Get some rest big guy, you've got a big day of bullshitting doctors tomorrow. See you then.
• Floyd Money Mayweather took some pictures with Don King in Vegas.
• Haynesworth still prefers a backwards hat and sweatpants over a helmet and jersey…might attempt conditioning test tomorrow, but probably not.
• Darrelle Revis aka Mr. Manhattan wants to get paid…holding out til he gets that stinky cheddar.
• Dez Bryant, DeSean Jackson, and Knowshon Moreno were injured in the first days of training camp. Wes Welker was out running, but not participating in contact drills.
• Rookie of the Year, Tyreke Evans wanted to go fast. Gets caught doing 120mph+ in his purple beamer, then gets held at gunpoint.
• The Miami Heat fired 30 employees from their ticket office, adding 30 more to the list of people who hate LeBron James.
• Lionel Messi and an unannounced Barcelona teammate will form an Oasis tribute band and tour Europe in disguise. "We'll visit the UK. If you're at a pub or club where we are performing and see past our disguises there'll be a decent prize in it for you."
• Travis Pastrana won his 7th Freestyle X Games gold. Ryan Sheckler won his 3rd gold in the Street Skate competition, robbing 15-year old, NyJAH Huston in the final seconds…Pastrana and Sheckler are still tools.
• Ex-Oregon QB, Jeremiah Masoli is going to Ole Miss. He is eligible to play this season.
• Miguel Tejada, Roy Oswalt, Cliff Lee, Ryan Ludwick, and Lance Berkman were all traded before the deadline.
• A-Rod is still stuck on #599...still nobody cares. The Stinky Cheddar, however, had no problems breaking 600 views and 100 visits in our first week on the World Wide Web.
Albert Haynesworth reportedly failed his conditioning test today in his first day back to the team. Once he is able to pass the test, he will enter training camp on the Redskins second line, according to the Washington Post.
Up the Beltway, Baltimore Ravens rookie Terrence Cody a.k.a "Cheeseburger" found out what "3rd times a charm" means the hard way. After three tries, 150 yards, and 1 nickname later, the Ravens 1st round draft pick was allowed to practice with the team.
The two are a combined 700 pounds. We are no doctors here at The Cheddar, but you know where this is going...
UPDATE: Haynesworth has failed the conditioning test for a 2nd day in a row.
This isn't going to be easy.
