HATERS GON' HATE

This isn't going to be easy.
The tide seems to be turning on us.
We know, 49 out of 55.
On the same field as Matt Leinart.
Every other starter got the night off.
Wait a tick?
Do you think that means what we think it means?
No, Shanny wouldn't do that.
Has he said anything to you?
He won't talk to us.
He's kind of a prick any way.
We adore you.

DOUBLE STUFF, DOUBLE TIME.

Oh, hey.
Wow this is weird.
We know, we've just been busy.
Yeah we heard.
How have you been otherwise?
Oh, really?
Man, that's not cool.
Shanahan wants what?
Does he know who you are?
Fletcher and Daniels running their mouths?
Well we should get out of here.
We know, we're sorry.
Yeah, our phone has been acting up.

ARE YOU THERE GOD, IT'S ME ALBERT.

Hey, Buddy.
Man, you look thirsty.
Don't you remember what we said last time?
What?
Both, your belly and your head hurt?
Oh Man, we're sorry.
Go ahead take some time off.
Most professionals do.
This is how you gain a reputation.
Both on and off the field.
You're doing great.
Don't listen to them.

GULP.

Hey, Hey Hey.

Sorry, you probably get that all the time.
Anyway.
How do you plan on handling this?
First with the conditioning test.
Then this heat.
AND NOW,
Coach Haslet wants you "ole-ing"?
Sounds kind of gay.
Or Spanish.
Either way, we're worried about you.
Rest up, Big Guy.
Drink lots of water and stay cool.
Don't want you cramping up out there.
We'll be here if you need us.

COACH'S HIGH HOPES.

Hey, Al.
We're sorry, Mr. TENNTITS4LIFE69,
We've seen you out there.
Looking good.
One problem, how do you plan on keeping this up?
You know Coach wants you to play all 16 this year, right?
Yeah, total bummer.
Not to be negative but,
how do you plan on dominating NCAA 11 if you're on the field?
Think this through, Man.
Also, we think you're confused,
about your xbox live account name.
It's not pronounced that way.

ONE DOWN.

Al, its good to see you.
We know, it was hard work today.
But, just think.
You got ten extra days of practice on NCAA 11.
Your Xbox skills have come along way.
You'll be running shit soon enough.
When Coach gets off your back,
that locker room will be yours again.
Just like that one golden year with Coach Zorn.
Anyhow, it's really a pleasure to see you again.
Go ice your knee, or whatever you "tweaked" today.
We'll see you on Xbox Live in a bit.

GIVE IT TO ME STRAIGHT DOC.

This is a healthy knee.
Albert Haynesworth, what condition is your condition in?
According to medical professionals,
you've been stricken with two of these healthy knees.
We know, we know. It's not fair.
First they lie about the 3-4.
And now this?
The nerve. How could they switch your x-rays like that?
It almost seems like they're doing this to make you look bad.
Doesn't it?
No really, we were kidding.
Get to work. Dick.

DONT CALL IT A... PROGRESS?

Albert, we're proud of you.
We know getting paid millions for twenty minutes of work is tough.
Believe us, we know.
We don't want you to listen to what others are saying.
You keep being you, and we'll be happy to have your company.
That's what its all about, right?
Anyways, sorry for wasting your time.
We know we'll see you when you're ready.
Get some rest big guy, you've got a big day of bullshitting doctors tomorrow.
See you then.

THE COUNTDOWN CONTINUES.

No, Al we get it.
Day 7, we're still hanging on.
You good?, yeah?, I'm just glad this isn't a hold out.
See you tomorrow bud.

Tuesdays with Albert

Albert Haynesworth, previously mentioned hard worker and all around good guy, again did not manage to pass his conditioning test today. Awesome. Why? Why didn't he pass his physical today?, you ask. BECAUSE HE DIDN'T EVEN TRY IT. Haynesworth for the third time in six attempts complained of a sore right knee and was unable to participate. Haynesworth, for those of you who dont want to click on links, is the only member of the Redskins who has to pass the conditioning test for failing to show at offseason workouts.

"I guess we'll roll the dice tomorrow" Haynesworth said. Ed. not a "direct quote". And the Redskins' faithfull took a colective deep breath. At least we'll always have tomorrow.

Dont Call It A Holdout!

Noted head crusher/member of the backwards hat gang/and friend to on field medical staff continues his not so hold out. Haynesworth failed his third conditioning test and is still unable to participate in team activities. It seems more and more likely that Albert is hoping to get back to the 3-4 scheme he can put numbers up in, while also wearing a different uniform. Haynesworth has backed away from his trade demands but has yet to be involved in any drills during the summer. The Redskins' fan base seems to have a different reaction to Albert's actions.