HAPPINESS IS A WARM TWIN.

A return to normalcy. This is nice. No?

- Isiah don't work in New York, no mo'. We didn't see this ending poorly.

- Another product request. For field research, of course.

- It is birthday season so, if you know anyone at Gibson, this 'basstar' is a necessity. Lest you want Le Ched to fail. It's not too much to ask.

- This is happening. Never would have guessed she would need a stunt double.

- You ever see Armageddon? Try this.

- Russel Brand is a motorist. A motorist who crashed one of these. We know it's late but sweet shit man that's a $230,000 automobile. Head on a swivel Russ.

- So, wait, Lady Gaga doesn't have a dong? Lily, you weren't the only one who was confused. We still appreciate what you do.

- We should all take some time to reflect on our youth. You should do this more often, we're just trying to help. We do because we care about you, we do this to motivate you.

CLEAN UP IN AISLE...NOPE.

You ever look around your apartment and realize that you have alot of semen stored up in your used purell bottles? Michael Edwards, of Gaithersburg, Maryland, knows your pain. It would seem that our boy Mike was posed with this same problem. He responded like any normal man who has been saving his semen in bottles around the house, he went grocery shopping. While at the store Mikey's game really gets on point. Step by step account, walk up to unsuspecting victim, spray victim with your gross bottle of goo, take picture with cellphone (motorola's razor works best, we assume), go get ingredients for that lovely summer salad Carol at the office told you about, pay, DO NOT forget to use your bonus card that shit adds up, lather, rinse, repeat.

At first glance Mike, your game seems pretty tight, but there are a few flaws we have noticed. First and foremost, IT'S FUCKING GROSS! Second, no it's still really just gross. And last and definitely least, was saving that $1.46 worth getting caught on camera swiping your club card? You remember when you got that card, you know before you started with all this gross shit? YOU PUT YOUR REAL NAME AND ADDRESS ON IT! They know who you are. And you are dumb. Also, really gross.

TWINS > LIBRARY.

Ladies, you know where this is heading. Would you mind introducing me to the twins?

- First things first, Showalter's O's 1, rest of the Majors 0. Sit and spin.

- I went to the library for the air conditioning and people watching. Regrettable. After waiting twenty minutes a computer opened up and I took the opportunity to use it. Again, regrettable. After ten minutes of using said computer, I was approached by a fellow library patron. "You done yet?" he asked, "No, I just sat down, sorry man" I responded. "Then, when will you be?" a little more impatient, "no idea" I say. My answer did not seem to satisfy him, in response, he reacted by yelling to his friends "..some bullshit man, motherfucker just playing video games and looking at titties (no I wasn't), I'm just trying to check my facebook, damn." In my defence I was in the middle of the greatest game of tower defense OF MY LIFE, and you can't check facebook at the library. I left about ten minutes later when I realized the group forming around my antagonist were all wearing backwards hats. Waste time with this, hopefully not his though.

- And boom goes the dynamite. Funny and smoking hot, I'm down. And, you're on Mad Men!?! double down. Alison Brie, I'll see you in your dreams.

- We'll both be joining Ms. Hendricks in the bath tub, just after this chuckleberry takes his size 7 out of his mouth. Smooth Brian, smooth. Notice how long he lets that simmer before completely imploding, a real news man would have sealed the deal. He should have just pulled his dick out and started yelling "I have sex at you!" Although, I think Big Ben has that game on lock, again sorry Bri.

- I've given you the entertainment, now let Larissa do the rest.