HOLY ISHBOO! A NASCAR POST?

Engage ignorance now.

I know little to nothing about Nascar. I'm alright with that. What I do know, Kurt Busch drives the number 2 Miller Lite car and, the ladies in the portrait above are the Cope twins. On Saturday, Amber and Angela will drive go-fast-trucks in a circle very quickly in Martinsville, VA. In doing so they'll also be making history, they'll also be someone's hot nieces. There that's it, that's what I know. Watch if you dare, just know you're watching truck racing instead of football.

CLINTON, WE GET YOU.

Clinton, we know you were misunderstood.
You were talking about the ladies covering ChedCon 2010.

Australian for twins.

Jump to 16:05 for the goods.

GET PREPERRATED.

Ladies, it's great to see you.
Bottoms up.

Darrelle Revis has been using his hold out for good and not for evil.

YAHOOZEN, YAHOOZEN.

For those of you living under a rock in a cave with a blanket over your rock, the college football season officially kicks off tonight.

No. 2 Ohio State vs. Marshall and no. 15 Pitt-Utah will offer the most excitement. No. 14 USC at Hawaii will offer the most twins. Either way exciting.

Also, this season Nike will be rolling out their newest NFL BLITZ inspired "throwback" jerseys. They all look like the flag football jerseys at ENCOM. Take the good with the bad, we suppose.

TOLD YOU v2.08

Ladies, to your health.

So, get this.

....abstaining from alcohol does tend to increase one's risk of dying, even when you exclude former problem drinkers. The most shocking part? Abstainers' mortality rates are higher than those of heavy drinkers.

Yeah dog. That's TIME, the magazine. Yeah, the one from the doctor's office. While the rest of you were doing useless shit, like studying and working, we were figuring out how to live forever. So, whats up now?

Hey man, you can't take it with you.
Plus, we paid last night.

THERE WILL BE CHEDDAR.

The Cheddar draft board is looking fierce. Bulger or Campbell in the first round, Mason Crosby in the second. Things are looking up for team Ched-Skins. We had given thought to Chris Cooley but, he's injury prone and, he really doesn't like drywall.

That is the opposite of this.

At 1:55 you can see why we're not allowed Forklift Privileges at work anymore. Also, why we're never riding public transport ever again.

Ladies, a pleasure as always.
We hit 500.
Without enhancement creams.
Boo-yah.

GTL: GYM, TWIN, LAUNDRY.

Ladies.
Are you ready for some football?

- The 2010 NCAA Football Polls for week one of the season are out. Alabama, Ohio State, Boise State, Florida and, Texas are your top five so..

- Jay Mariotti, columnist and certified jack ass, had something to say last night. His girlfriend, wasn't trying to hear that see. Everyone who has seen Around the Horn will sleep a little easier tonight. The streets are safer for us all.

- Oh mansies. We're going to go work on our abs.

- Has anyone seen the pencil case?

- This beats computer time in the MacLab any day.

Have fun tonight.

Just keep quiet when you girls get in.

NEW HIGH SCORE.

Let's be honest.
You didn't need to borrow anything,
did you?

- Helping you avoid the working part of "working day". We do what we can, no need to thank us.

- Anthony, we may need your marketing skills. "You work on the internet, right?"

- ORLY SHRLOK. So we're not the only ones. No shit, We hope a lot of money and time went into this research. Thanks science. Next time call us first.

- Why won't these people leave us alone. This is worse than the grocery store near HQ.

- Gary Busey is terrifying and "that bone chilling sound" was AllDay fumbling, and Toby Gerhart running it in for the three yard TD.

YESTERDAY'S NEWS, TOMORROW.

Your newest ex.

Our newest Cheddarette.

- Udonis Haslem, welcome to the club Slick. Much love to the cop that got one more car with illegal tints off the road. Nothing is more dangerous than a car window that manages to offer privacy to the owner and also keeps out UV rays while keeping the car cooler. You guys get it, right?

- First there was a controversial QB in Pittsburgh. It seems there may be a QB controversy in Western PA. Byron Leftwich, who is roughly 56 (apparently he's only 30), is in competition with Dennis Dixon, former Heisman candidate and beast at Oregon, for the starting job while Big Ben sits out his suspension.

- This is terrifying. How is that mini panic attack all over your face? He may have redeemed himself though.

- Football Jesus, scored his first NFL rushing touchdown, he also got rocked on the way in. Every TD should be called "the joy of six" (45 sec.). This guy totes agrees.

- Reason number 506,892 the Ipad is a necessity.

ANY TWIN AT ALL.

What you think we blog for?

To push a fucking rav4?

- So get this. Doog's medical training should help with the twins.

- Genetically Modified Mosquito. Sounds more terrifying than it is.

- OMG. A peanut covered in a potato chip! A handsome prize to whomever can get these to us first.

- In other food/bacon news we need two cases sent to HQ post haste. We'll need help washing this down.

- Warrant and The Biebs were in town last night. We're still waiting for a response to our invite.

- Remember when you could safely make the "Tiger vs. the field" argument? That argument don't work for you no mo'.

WE ADMIT, WE'VE BEEN LAX.

Ladies. Don't have us break this thing down for nothing.
Now, we'd like to see you on your baddest behavior.
Lend us some sugar, we're neighbors.

- The Shanahan era started with a bang last night. The Redskins were not gracious host to the Bills, details here.

- Google brought us this. Bacon is a beautiful thing, with that in mind, do the math. To have NO MORE than a pound of bacon delivered monthly to your house these fucks want you to pay them 510 American dollars, FOR SHIPPING! The bacon itself is $149. Grand total, $659, for bacon. This better be the best bacon ever. Otherwise the expense account has been drained and there will be hell to pay.

- The fArt Department thought you should know this is happening. D. Wade is ducking, no idea why, that court is paddeded. Why would you (zucchini) duck this?

- Drank Update: JaMarcus Russell, your career has officially been chopped and screwed. Don't worry, you're not the only one.

- This happened 7 years ago? Drinks on the porch anyone? No?

HAPPINESS IS A WARM TWIN.

A return to normalcy. This is nice. No?

- Isiah don't work in New York, no mo'. We didn't see this ending poorly.

- Another product request. For field research, of course.

- It is birthday season so, if you know anyone at Gibson, this 'basstar' is a necessity. Lest you want Le Ched to fail. It's not too much to ask.

- This is happening. Never would have guessed she would need a stunt double.

- You ever see Armageddon? Try this.

- Russel Brand is a motorist. A motorist who crashed one of these. We know it's late but sweet shit man that's a $230,000 automobile. Head on a swivel Russ.

- So, wait, Lady Gaga doesn't have a dong? Lily, you weren't the only one who was confused. We still appreciate what you do.

- We should all take some time to reflect on our youth. You should do this more often, we're just trying to help. We do because we care about you, we do this to motivate you.

TWINS FAIL.

Ladies. I think there has been a misunderstanding.
We were looking for a different set of twins.
Sorry for the trouble.

- They say chivalry is dead, last night it was confirmed. Well played Bro-migo, well played.

- There have been some harsh words between the Cardinals and the Reds. Last night, shit got crazy. It's tough to call a handful of overweight thirty year olds yelling at each other a fight, also are we the only ones who would like to know who the lesbian catching for the Cards' is?

- The brO's continue their rise to AL east mediocrity last night trouncing Cleveland 14-8. And, no one at the bar cares.

- While looking for this. This and this happened.

- Send us this. NOW.

- In ORLY? news. They're at it again in China. 3D porn? Do they still make porn? We figured that was all done at home with shitty web cams.

- Good to know. Another way to annoy someone on an elevator.

- You want the twins? Sorry.

MOTOR CITY MAC MAN.

The Detroit Pistons have come to terms with (the fact that they are and will be a sub .500 team) Tracy McGrady. The two agreed on a one year 1.35 million dollar deal. The two time NBA scoring champ can offer the Pistons some veteran leadership, after they ship Tayshaun and Rip out of the Motor City. Until then, he'll more than likely be used as an example in practice or, as the butt of most of the jokes in the locker room. T-Mac, we get it.

LOST IN THE CLUTTER.

Some things that may have slipped through the cracks.

- Shaq signed with the Celtics. OK. Don't worry there were other questionable moves this week in the NBA. Isiah was brought back on with the Knicks as a consultant, that worked out well the first time. And, the Nets named Roy Rogers advanced scout. We assume New Jersey is switching to more of a run and gun offense.

- Showalter's brO's are 5-1, heading to Ohio after one more in the confines of Camden.

- Things are a lot less green on the other side. Especially if you live in northwest Missouri.

- HOLY SHIT. Zucchini Duck.

- HOT CARL, had a big week. Girl, you'll be a woman soon.

- Adriana Lima. Let me get your number, I've got to text you something, its so hilarious. Engage twins now.

- And lastly, The Ched turned two hundred. We thank you.

BUCK, SHOW ME THE tWINS!

Ladies, I apologize but, my friends really wanted to meet you but, well you know... Lets get a little more comfortable.

-The O's continue to shine under Buck's rule. We approve.

- All of the first rounders from the 2010 NFL Draft have been signed. Alot of money for exactly zero NFL experience. We have exactly zero NFL experience, where's our cash?

- Andre Johnson, cheddar in hand. Plax, papers in hand. Darrelle Revis, still on hold(out).

- Yankees, Red Sox this weekend. O's, White Sox also this weekend. It turns out more teams are playing too, good for them.


- If you needed a reason to go to South Beach this should help. This should help motivate you to go see a Marlins game.

BRETT FAVRE. TECHKNOWLEDGE IT.

Brett Favre has been texting. Alot. A couple of days ago it was reported that he was blowing his teammates up to keep them posted on what his plans were. That was nice of him, its always good to be in the loop. And it would seem that while with the New York Football Jets he found some new friends to add to his contact list. Again nice, who wouldn't give the ol' gunslinger the digies just for the off chance he called you. One of the numbers in his phone happened to belong to Jenn Sterger, from Vs. The Daily Line and, formerly a Jets in-house reporter. No problems so far. Ms. Sterger alleges that Brett has sent her cock shots and left obscene messages on her cell phone. Problem, Brett, problem. Jenn also was on Playboy Radio (what could possibly be the point of Playboy Radio) to tell about her texual run ins with Hattiesburg's finest. Deadspin's coverage is pretty on point and sounds too legit to discount with out thought, as usual.

With this news Brett's future is no where near clearer than it was on Monday or April. It's just nice to know that he really is like a kid out there. A dumb 15 year old who's parents have not taken his camera phone away.


-Credit to SM, and the whole Art Department, for the poster.
-Credit to Jenn Sterger for keeping that shit tight.

TWINS > LIBRARY.

Ladies, you know where this is heading. Would you mind introducing me to the twins?

- First things first, Showalter's O's 1, rest of the Majors 0. Sit and spin.

- I went to the library for the air conditioning and people watching. Regrettable. After waiting twenty minutes a computer opened up and I took the opportunity to use it. Again, regrettable. After ten minutes of using said computer, I was approached by a fellow library patron. "You done yet?" he asked, "No, I just sat down, sorry man" I responded. "Then, when will you be?" a little more impatient, "no idea" I say. My answer did not seem to satisfy him, in response, he reacted by yelling to his friends "..some bullshit man, motherfucker just playing video games and looking at titties (no I wasn't), I'm just trying to check my facebook, damn." In my defence I was in the middle of the greatest game of tower defense OF MY LIFE, and you can't check facebook at the library. I left about ten minutes later when I realized the group forming around my antagonist were all wearing backwards hats. Waste time with this, hopefully not his though.

- And boom goes the dynamite. Funny and smoking hot, I'm down. And, you're on Mad Men!?! double down. Alison Brie, I'll see you in your dreams.

- We'll both be joining Ms. Hendricks in the bath tub, just after this chuckleberry takes his size 7 out of his mouth. Smooth Brian, smooth. Notice how long he lets that simmer before completely imploding, a real news man would have sealed the deal. He should have just pulled his dick out and started yelling "I have sex at you!" Although, I think Big Ben has that game on lock, again sorry Bri.

- I've given you the entertainment, now let Larissa do the rest.

TWINS OR GTFO.

We might as well use the NSFW shit, if we got it.

-There is a lot about soccer I don't understand, hooligans, American fans humming the White Stripes together, and dicks who show up at your place of work and assume you're having as much fun as them after working six hours.You're not. One thing I think we can all understand, it truly is the beautiful game.

- Ohio, the heart of it all. Also, the only place where John Law can pop you for taking your kids for a walk... oh wait, he had a couple of beers, who hasn't, I mean I... Oh using the stroller as a walker, yeah that's a tuffy. We will have to find another nominee for father (pronounced fajah) of the year.

- Lindsay Lohan left jail after 14 days of a 90 day sentence, 90 more days of rehab and Bengals GM Mike Brown can give her a spot on the practice squad. Also, Heidi and Spencer are dumpsville. Also, my world just crumbled.

- This has been floating around the innernets for a couple of days but its still just as comical as the first time I saw it. Enjoy.

- Going to go watch Mad Men (read drink) until I look like Don Draper, or she looks like Joan Holloway, piss off Dr. Harris.