BLASTED IN THE FACE, GALLAGER STEEZE.

Gallagher on line 3.

GET PREPERRATED.

Ladies, it's great to see you.
Bottoms up.

Darrelle Revis has been using his hold out for good and not for evil.

ATTEMPTING TO BRING SEXY BACK.

Whoa, you're going out in that?
Nothing.
It's just like a 100 degrees out there.

Here are some things to help you beat your heat.

- Your Christopher Walken fix.



- Carl's Jr. You officially have the gayest commercials out there. Congrats? While you have that menu open, take a peek at the nutritional info, terrifying.

- Your Fail fix.

Straight lampin'

KOOL AID, FROZEN PIZZA, AND A MINDFREAK

This is two and a half minutes of pure mini panic attack/ baby stroke.
Let's take it step by step, shall we?

1. It's Chris, not Criss, as in Dr. Chris Hansen.
2. It's Las Vegas Criss. You know that Las Vegas, the one that was built in the desert. There is no need for this black leather rig out you've got going on here. It's like a million degrees out there.
3. Of course you have a "pet" scorpion. You're also waiting for someone to bring you mayonnaise for your fries, right? You're Gross.
4. Fast forward through the whole lame smoke thing.
5. And, that brings us back to You, looking about 5 seconds to earl, reaching out to your "impromptu audience" only to find Maria.
6. You then kiss Maria. Who, by the by, is half of a Vegas Show, it just seems convenient. You've managed to do two tricks. She now has that gross little bug in her mouth, and you've made yourself seem a little less gay to the passer-bys.
7. And finally, your coup de gra'ce. "Don't let me kiss ya'", mi scusi? Don't worry Criss, there will never be a time when you'll have to kiss any of us. Never.

For our next trick...

JAPAN: YOU COOL?

What?
We all look the same to you?

The Little League World Series came to an end yesterday in South Williamsport, Pa. We know, with the WNBA Playoffs it's almost impossible to pay attention to anything else. Anygays, Japan won, ending the United States' five year championship run. Great, they're better at game shows, weird commercials and now baseball? Whats next, better vending machines? Wait, what?

Hipster-Dino totally knew about Japan.
Five years ago.

UPDATE: CANADA LOVES TO SWEEP.

You know that rapper from Degrassi?

LITTLE LEAGUE WORLD SERIES, WNBA PLAYOFFS, MY DICK.

Unless there's anything else you'd like to say, you're free to leave.