LEGAL NEWS: MILEY GETS HER 18 ON.

Game Face.

Gentlemen, that sense of relief you were feeling this morning and bit of pep in your step can be easily explained. Surprisingly the explanation isn't medical grade marijuana or Four Loko, Destiny Hope Cyrus has turned 18. Yes that's right, not only can you change your first and middle name, but more notably Team Dirty Old Man has another reason to celebrate. So Miley, we thank you for your support and and hope you continue reading, happy birthday.

GOT IT ALL.

What's that? Two body painted posts in a row?
No Doubt.

Yes it's girl's soccer.
And, yes you're a perv for hoping for a Brandi Chastain situation.
You're Gross.

The full re-cap is here.
Again, it's girl's soccer so who cares, amiright?

EURO-CHED: WHERE YOU AT?

Oh, good morning.
Was not expecting you to still be here.
Need a hand?

- So Michael Jackson released BAD. Twenty-three years ago. Kristen McKentire, one of us borrowed that tape in third grade (a couple years late, it seems), we owe you a copy and an apology.

- It has come to our attention, some of Chednation is not up to code. This should help.

- Every man has a code. Live by it.

- Lil' Wayne has been busy in Scranton. We'll be waiting until November for his release(s), (wash your hands). Our September deployment looms.

- Who's down for Eurotrip 2010? We just need some cash for gas.

- Yo, Dog. You didn't hear? "Evey monkey'd like to be, in my place instead of me". Yeah we're the King of Bongo. Hear us when we come.

Nah, we're too drunk to dance.

Thanks though.
We should get a cab.

KOOL AID, FROZEN PIZZA, AND A MINDFREAK

This is two and a half minutes of pure mini panic attack/ baby stroke.
Let's take it step by step, shall we?

1. It's Chris, not Criss, as in Dr. Chris Hansen.
2. It's Las Vegas Criss. You know that Las Vegas, the one that was built in the desert. There is no need for this black leather rig out you've got going on here. It's like a million degrees out there.
3. Of course you have a "pet" scorpion. You're also waiting for someone to bring you mayonnaise for your fries, right? You're Gross.
4. Fast forward through the whole lame smoke thing.
5. And, that brings us back to You, looking about 5 seconds to earl, reaching out to your "impromptu audience" only to find Maria.
6. You then kiss Maria. Who, by the by, is half of a Vegas Show, it just seems convenient. You've managed to do two tricks. She now has that gross little bug in her mouth, and you've made yourself seem a little less gay to the passer-bys.
7. And finally, your coup de gra'ce. "Don't let me kiss ya'", mi scusi? Don't worry Criss, there will never be a time when you'll have to kiss any of us. Never.

For our next trick...

OFFICER, ITS GOOD TO SEE YOU.

Subtle.

Shit has been poppin' in the "Heart of it All".

- Burn it down.

- Chris Hansen obviously has been in the 614.

- Ever wonder what "Driving with inappropriate alertness" means? Colondra, care to explain?

- All dash-cams should have a 24 hour feed.

- Maurice Clarett, is looking for housing in Omaha, just keep an eye on his water bottle. Also, what the fuck is the UFL? Oh, that's the UFL.

- Antonio Bryant's time in the 'Nati has come to an end. He made roughly $7 million and never played a down. Awesome.

POGOS, PEDOBEARS AND, TEEN WEREWOLVES. OH MAN-ZO

We just need another perspective.
That's all.

- They're jumping around in Salt Lake. This is all you need.

"I want to see it become a staple of culture in the same way that skateboarding is and BMX is," Ryan says." I want to change the connotations associated with what a pogo stick is."

- This is genius. The Ched uses snarky witticism. It's super effective.

- Don't no one on the corner has swagger like Russ.

- At least Sasquatch got what he wanted for his birthday.