TWINS FAIL.

Ladies. I think there has been a misunderstanding.
We were looking for a different set of twins.
Sorry for the trouble.

- They say chivalry is dead, last night it was confirmed. Well played Bro-migo, well played.

- There have been some harsh words between the Cardinals and the Reds. Last night, shit got crazy. It's tough to call a handful of overweight thirty year olds yelling at each other a fight, also are we the only ones who would like to know who the lesbian catching for the Cards' is?

- The brO's continue their rise to AL east mediocrity last night trouncing Cleveland 14-8. And, no one at the bar cares.

- While looking for this. This and this happened.

- Send us this. NOW.

- In ORLY? news. They're at it again in China. 3D porn? Do they still make porn? We figured that was all done at home with shitty web cams.

- Good to know. Another way to annoy someone on an elevator.

- You want the twins? Sorry.

COACH'S HIGH HOPES.

Hey, Al.
We're sorry, Mr. TENNTITS4LIFE69,
We've seen you out there.
Looking good.
One problem, how do you plan on keeping this up?
You know Coach wants you to play all 16 this year, right?
Yeah, total bummer.
Not to be negative but,
how do you plan on dominating NCAA 11 if you're on the field?
Think this through, Man.
Also, we think you're confused,
about your xbox live account name.
It's not pronounced that way.

MOTOR CITY MAC MAN.

The Detroit Pistons have come to terms with (the fact that they are and will be a sub .500 team) Tracy McGrady. The two agreed on a one year 1.35 million dollar deal. The two time NBA scoring champ can offer the Pistons some veteran leadership, after they ship Tayshaun and Rip out of the Motor City. Until then, he'll more than likely be used as an example in practice or, as the butt of most of the jokes in the locker room. T-Mac, we get it.

DARRELLE WANTS THAT NEW IPHONE

Pro Bowl corner back and sole proprietor of Revis Island, Darrelle Revis wants to get paid. The New York Jets however, have other plans.

The Jets are preparing for the regular season as if Revis won't be joining them on the field in 2010. Revis, who helped the Jets to become the number one ranked defense in the NFL, wants to restructure his current contract (6 years, $30 million, $11 mil guaranteed) to make him the highest paid corner in the league. Revis only has one more year left on his current deal, with incentives for performance, seems to be content sending his demands to the higher ups in New York while honing his Madden skills. Those higher ups seem content to reject said demands. The Jets, with out Revis, have little to no chance of becoming the Super Bowl contenders they hope to be. We assume this game of hardball will be over by the time the season begins. He is the best corner in the game and the Jets should know that, they're the professionals.

USA TENNIS, LOLZ!

The United States, for the first time since 1973, does not have a gentleman tennis player ranked in the top ten. Fair enough.
Brooklyn, your thoughts?

brO's WIN, brO's Win.

A twins free post for a change.

Not a wins free post.
Thank you Brian Roberts.
No better time than the present for the first one of the year.
Good lookin' out brO.
Zucchini Duck approves.
As does Chez le Ched.

Is that better?

B-Scals Has A Soul!

With the recent signings of Jermaine O'Neal, Shaq, and Luke Harangody, the Celtics are making it clear there is no room for Brian Scalabrine at the end of the bench anymore. His agent said Scal wants to play at least one more season in the NBA.

Now that the economy has teams cutting down on costly jokes, the writings on the wall for B-Scals. No dogs allowed, big dawg. Scalabrine will most likely be forced to take his talents, hotfire, and fire orange hair to Europe if he wants to tell people he plays professional basketball for a few more years.

Let's pray this American hero finds an NBA team in need of an injured 32 year old white big man.

ONE DOWN.

Al, its good to see you.
We know, it was hard work today.
But, just think.
You got ten extra days of practice on NCAA 11.
Your Xbox skills have come along way.
You'll be running shit soon enough.
When Coach gets off your back,
that locker room will be yours again.
Just like that one golden year with Coach Zorn.
Anyhow, it's really a pleasure to see you again.
Go ice your knee, or whatever you "tweaked" today.
We'll see you on Xbox Live in a bit.

LOST IN THE CLUTTER.

Some things that may have slipped through the cracks.

- Shaq signed with the Celtics. OK. Don't worry there were other questionable moves this week in the NBA. Isiah was brought back on with the Knicks as a consultant, that worked out well the first time. And, the Nets named Roy Rogers advanced scout. We assume New Jersey is switching to more of a run and gun offense.

- Showalter's brO's are 5-1, heading to Ohio after one more in the confines of Camden.

- Things are a lot less green on the other side. Especially if you live in northwest Missouri.

- HOLY SHIT. Zucchini Duck.

- HOT CARL, had a big week. Girl, you'll be a woman soon.

- Adriana Lima. Let me get your number, I've got to text you something, its so hilarious. Engage twins now.

- And lastly, The Ched turned two hundred. We thank you.

BARBERSHOP x CONEHEADS, STARRING TIM TEBOW

Looking fresh, rook.

A-ROD NEEDS SOME A-ROD TIME.

Alex Rodriguez will be sitting out today's game against the Red Sox. Deal with that.

A-Rod got tagged by a grounder, hit by Lance Berkman, in batting practice. A-Rod was taking fielding practice at the time (read, describing the story the clouds tell). Alex, noted crybaby, writhed around in pain until coming to a full stop on the infield grass. His Yankees' teammates took this time to try out their material for next season of Wild N' Out. The trainers were eventually called out to help. They called him a pussy, told him to rub some dirt on it and, walk it off. He did.

Its good to have friends, huh, Alex.

-The O's go for five in a row tonight. Don't bring it up, you'll jinx them.

FAT ALBERT MINDFREAK

After 10 grueling days, Albert Haynesworth has passed the required conditioning test.

BUCK, SHOW ME THE tWINS!

Ladies, I apologize but, my friends really wanted to meet you but, well you know... Lets get a little more comfortable.

-The O's continue to shine under Buck's rule. We approve.

- All of the first rounders from the 2010 NFL Draft have been signed. Alot of money for exactly zero NFL experience. We have exactly zero NFL experience, where's our cash?

- Andre Johnson, cheddar in hand. Plax, papers in hand. Darrelle Revis, still on hold(out).

- Yankees, Red Sox this weekend. O's, White Sox also this weekend. It turns out more teams are playing too, good for them.


- If you needed a reason to go to South Beach this should help. This should help motivate you to go see a Marlins game.

BRETT FAVRE. TECHKNOWLEDGE IT.

Brett Favre has been texting. Alot. A couple of days ago it was reported that he was blowing his teammates up to keep them posted on what his plans were. That was nice of him, its always good to be in the loop. And it would seem that while with the New York Football Jets he found some new friends to add to his contact list. Again nice, who wouldn't give the ol' gunslinger the digies just for the off chance he called you. One of the numbers in his phone happened to belong to Jenn Sterger, from Vs. The Daily Line and, formerly a Jets in-house reporter. No problems so far. Ms. Sterger alleges that Brett has sent her cock shots and left obscene messages on her cell phone. Problem, Brett, problem. Jenn also was on Playboy Radio (what could possibly be the point of Playboy Radio) to tell about her texual run ins with Hattiesburg's finest. Deadspin's coverage is pretty on point and sounds too legit to discount with out thought, as usual.

With this news Brett's future is no where near clearer than it was on Monday or April. It's just nice to know that he really is like a kid out there. A dumb 15 year old who's parents have not taken his camera phone away.


-Credit to SM, and the whole Art Department, for the poster.
-Credit to Jenn Sterger for keeping that shit tight.

GIVE IT TO ME STRAIGHT DOC.

This is a healthy knee.
Albert Haynesworth, what condition is your condition in?
According to medical professionals,
you've been stricken with two of these healthy knees.
We know, we know. It's not fair.
First they lie about the 3-4.
And now this?
The nerve. How could they switch your x-rays like that?
It almost seems like they're doing this to make you look bad.
Doesn't it?
No really, we were kidding.
Get to work. Dick.

DONT CALL IT A... PROGRESS?

Albert, we're proud of you.
We know getting paid millions for twenty minutes of work is tough.
Believe us, we know.
We don't want you to listen to what others are saying.
You keep being you, and we'll be happy to have your company.
That's what its all about, right?
Anyways, sorry for wasting your time.
We know we'll see you when you're ready.
Get some rest big guy, you've got a big day of bullshitting doctors tomorrow.
See you then.