DONT CALL IT A... PROGRESS?

Albert, we're proud of you.
We know getting paid millions for twenty minutes of work is tough.
Believe us, we know.
We don't want you to listen to what others are saying.
You keep being you, and we'll be happy to have your company.
That's what its all about, right?
Anyways, sorry for wasting your time.
We know we'll see you when you're ready.
Get some rest big guy, you've got a big day of bullshitting doctors tomorrow.
See you then.

CLEAN UP IN AISLE...NOPE.

You ever look around your apartment and realize that you have alot of semen stored up in your used purell bottles? Michael Edwards, of Gaithersburg, Maryland, knows your pain. It would seem that our boy Mike was posed with this same problem. He responded like any normal man who has been saving his semen in bottles around the house, he went grocery shopping. While at the store Mikey's game really gets on point. Step by step account, walk up to unsuspecting victim, spray victim with your gross bottle of goo, take picture with cellphone (motorola's razor works best, we assume), go get ingredients for that lovely summer salad Carol at the office told you about, pay, DO NOT forget to use your bonus card that shit adds up, lather, rinse, repeat.

At first glance Mike, your game seems pretty tight, but there are a few flaws we have noticed. First and foremost, IT'S FUCKING GROSS! Second, no it's still really just gross. And last and definitely least, was saving that $1.46 worth getting caught on camera swiping your club card? You remember when you got that card, you know before you started with all this gross shit? YOU PUT YOUR REAL NAME AND ADDRESS ON IT! They know who you are. And you are dumb. Also, really gross.

GOING THREE TIMES... SOLD!

The Texas Rangers are set to be purchased by a group led by Hall of Famer and official bad ass Nolan Ryan. The club was auctioned off late last night for a reported $590 million. Ryan's group out bid Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban for the rights to the American League West leaders.

The players have to be a little disappointed, I mean have you seen the Mavs' locker room? With the purchase Ryan plans to move the team's locker room to a freshly renovated, less distracting setting. While renting out the old digs to whoever is willing to pay. The Yankees are rumored to be looking into moving a couple of prospects and cash considerations for the rights to store A-Rod's ego and dildo collection, the arid temperature should be good for them.

THEY'RE GOING CRAZY IN DUNDALK, HON.

The Showalter Era continues, the O's do what they do. Haters want to hate, ballers want to ball. Baltimore rejoices.

IT'S A CELEBRATION BITCHES!!!

Updates might be light today. So grab a gatorade, turn the light off, and keep quiet when you leave. Also, let's keep this between us, it happens to alot of guys, we'll totally talk later.

TWINS > LIBRARY.

Ladies, you know where this is heading. Would you mind introducing me to the twins?

- First things first, Showalter's O's 1, rest of the Majors 0. Sit and spin.

- I went to the library for the air conditioning and people watching. Regrettable. After waiting twenty minutes a computer opened up and I took the opportunity to use it. Again, regrettable. After ten minutes of using said computer, I was approached by a fellow library patron. "You done yet?" he asked, "No, I just sat down, sorry man" I responded. "Then, when will you be?" a little more impatient, "no idea" I say. My answer did not seem to satisfy him, in response, he reacted by yelling to his friends "..some bullshit man, motherfucker just playing video games and looking at titties (no I wasn't), I'm just trying to check my facebook, damn." In my defence I was in the middle of the greatest game of tower defense OF MY LIFE, and you can't check facebook at the library. I left about ten minutes later when I realized the group forming around my antagonist were all wearing backwards hats. Waste time with this, hopefully not his though.

- And boom goes the dynamite. Funny and smoking hot, I'm down. And, you're on Mad Men!?! double down. Alison Brie, I'll see you in your dreams.

- We'll both be joining Ms. Hendricks in the bath tub, just after this chuckleberry takes his size 7 out of his mouth. Smooth Brian, smooth. Notice how long he lets that simmer before completely imploding, a real news man would have sealed the deal. He should have just pulled his dick out and started yelling "I have sex at you!" Although, I think Big Ben has that game on lock, again sorry Bri.

- I've given you the entertainment, now let Larissa do the rest.

ARE WE DONE YET?

A-Rod hit his 600th home run today. Here at Cheddar HQ we have shifted from "who cares?" to "I could not possibly care less." Productive day for us.

Rodriguez, admitted HGH user and alleged snooty boo, became the youngest player (35 years 8 days) to hit 600 homers Wednesday afternoon in the first inning against the Toronto Blue Jays. Shaun Marcum, who gave up number 600 to A-Rod, was apparently not serving the ched.

The ESPN in game interruptions will now stop. This return to normalcy will allow us to get back to being bored by one full game of baseball, as opposed to one full game plus or minus an anti-climactic at bat.

THE COUNTDOWN CONTINUES.

No, Al we get it.
Day 7, we're still hanging on.
You good?, yeah?, I'm just glad this isn't a hold out.
See you tomorrow bud.

SHOW US YOUR TITS.

Can you spot someone in this video happier than the bro next to this chick? Here's a hint: he's the little black kid standing with his mom on the steps.

A camera phone has just been added to his Christmas list.

TWINS OR GTFO.

We might as well use the NSFW shit, if we got it.

-There is a lot about soccer I don't understand, hooligans, American fans humming the White Stripes together, and dicks who show up at your place of work and assume you're having as much fun as them after working six hours.You're not. One thing I think we can all understand, it truly is the beautiful game.

- Ohio, the heart of it all. Also, the only place where John Law can pop you for taking your kids for a walk... oh wait, he had a couple of beers, who hasn't, I mean I... Oh using the stroller as a walker, yeah that's a tuffy. We will have to find another nominee for father (pronounced fajah) of the year.

- Lindsay Lohan left jail after 14 days of a 90 day sentence, 90 more days of rehab and Bengals GM Mike Brown can give her a spot on the practice squad. Also, Heidi and Spencer are dumpsville. Also, my world just crumbled.

- This has been floating around the innernets for a couple of days but its still just as comical as the first time I saw it. Enjoy.

- Going to go watch Mad Men (read drink) until I look like Don Draper, or she looks like Joan Holloway, piss off Dr. Harris.

Tuesdays with Albert

Albert Haynesworth, previously mentioned hard worker and all around good guy, again did not manage to pass his conditioning test today. Awesome. Why? Why didn't he pass his physical today?, you ask. BECAUSE HE DIDN'T EVEN TRY IT. Haynesworth for the third time in six attempts complained of a sore right knee and was unable to participate. Haynesworth, for those of you who dont want to click on links, is the only member of the Redskins who has to pass the conditioning test for failing to show at offseason workouts.

"I guess we'll roll the dice tomorrow" Haynesworth said. Ed. not a "direct quote". And the Redskins' faithfull took a colective deep breath. At least we'll always have tomorrow.

GO DEEP...

America's favorite booze hound/ attention whore, no not him, this guy is done. Reportedly the ol' gunslinger told his Minnesota teammates that he will hang up his cleats and suit up in his more comfortable relaxed fit wrangler jeans, the pants he seems to have so much fun in. Favre will be "leaving" the league after 19 seasons with 69,329 yards passing, 497 touchdowns thrown, 317 interceptions and a smoke show for a wife. Favre holds the NFL record for three of those categories. One can only assume this is not the last we've heard from the "kid out there".

Dont Call It A Holdout!

Noted head crusher/member of the backwards hat gang/and friend to on field medical staff continues his not so hold out. Haynesworth failed his third conditioning test and is still unable to participate in team activities. It seems more and more likely that Albert is hoping to get back to the 3-4 scheme he can put numbers up in, while also wearing a different uniform. Haynesworth has backed away from his trade demands but has yet to be involved in any drills during the summer. The Redskins' fan base seems to have a different reaction to Albert's actions.

WELCOME TO BAL'MER, HON

Newly former ESPN analyst Buck Showalter has officially been named the new manager of the Baltimore Orioles. Sources (read the Internet) say the deal goes through the 2013 season.

Showalter will be leaving the green hills of Bristol, heading south to the fertile plains and friendly people of Charm City. Showalter has generally been able to turn franchises around in the past but, given the O's penchant for giving up before the season starts while thinking about vacation plans for October, I hope he knows something we don't. Which explains that weird grin.

The Showalter Era begins tomorrow night against the Los Angeles Angels of... California. Showalter goes against that old chestnut George Knox and his trusty ace Mel Clark. Too many references? the Showalter 9, with Jeremy Guthrie on the mound, will take on Mike Scioscia and Trevor Bell.

Take the O's...Guthrie's music inspired a generation and I have never met a Trevor that I liked.

Weekend Recap: The Cheddar Gets #600, A-Rod Doesn't

• Floyd Money Mayweather took some pictures with Don King in Vegas.

• Haynesworth still prefers a backwards hat and sweatpants over a helmet and jersey…might attempt conditioning test tomorrow, but probably not.

• Darrelle Revis aka Mr. Manhattan wants to get paid…holding out til he gets that stinky cheddar.

• Dez Bryant, DeSean Jackson, and Knowshon Moreno were injured in the first days of training camp. Wes Welker was out running, but not participating in contact drills.

• Rookie of the Year, Tyreke Evans wanted to go fast. Gets caught doing 120mph+ in his purple beamer, then gets held at gunpoint.



• The Miami Heat fired 30 employees from their ticket office, adding 30 more to the list of people who hate LeBron James.

• Lionel Messi and an unannounced Barcelona teammate will form an Oasis tribute band and tour Europe in disguise. "We'll visit the UK. If you're at a pub or club where we are performing and see past our disguises there'll be a decent prize in it for you."

• Travis Pastrana won his 7th Freestyle X Games gold. Ryan Sheckler won his 3rd gold in the Street Skate competition, robbing 15-year old, NyJAH Huston in the final seconds…Pastrana and Sheckler are still tools.

• Ex-Oregon QB, Jeremiah Masoli is going to Ole Miss. He is eligible to play this season.

• Miguel Tejada, Roy Oswalt, Cliff Lee, Ryan Ludwick, and Lance Berkman were all traded before the deadline.

• A-Rod is still stuck on #599...still nobody cares. The Stinky Cheddar, however, had no problems breaking 600 views and 100 visits in our first week on the World Wide Web.

Kenny Powers Signs With K-Swiss

Kenny Powers Gets Signed By K-Swiss - watch more funny videos

Season 2 of Eastbound and Down premieres September 26th.