"Fuck It" Taken To A New Level

IT'S CRUNCH TIME SON.

Some big boy hits, you may have missed.

- And boom goes the dynamite.



- Jake Delhomme, your face has been adjusted.



- Giving him the business?

Gold. Guns. Girls.

DOUBLE STUFF, DOUBLE TIME.

Oh, hey.
Wow this is weird.
We know, we've just been busy.
Yeah we heard.
How have you been otherwise?
Oh, really?
Man, that's not cool.
Shanahan wants what?
Does he know who you are?
Fletcher and Daniels running their mouths?
Well we should get out of here.
We know, we're sorry.
Yeah, our phone has been acting up.

KOOL AID, FROZEN PIZZA, AND A MINDFREAK

This is two and a half minutes of pure mini panic attack/ baby stroke.
Let's take it step by step, shall we?

1. It's Chris, not Criss, as in Dr. Chris Hansen.
2. It's Las Vegas Criss. You know that Las Vegas, the one that was built in the desert. There is no need for this black leather rig out you've got going on here. It's like a million degrees out there.
3. Of course you have a "pet" scorpion. You're also waiting for someone to bring you mayonnaise for your fries, right? You're Gross.
4. Fast forward through the whole lame smoke thing.
5. And, that brings us back to You, looking about 5 seconds to earl, reaching out to your "impromptu audience" only to find Maria.
6. You then kiss Maria. Who, by the by, is half of a Vegas Show, it just seems convenient. You've managed to do two tricks. She now has that gross little bug in her mouth, and you've made yourself seem a little less gay to the passer-bys.
7. And finally, your coup de gra'ce. "Don't let me kiss ya'", mi scusi? Don't worry Criss, there will never be a time when you'll have to kiss any of us. Never.

For our next trick...

OFFICER, ITS GOOD TO SEE YOU.

Subtle.

Shit has been poppin' in the "Heart of it All".

- Burn it down.

- Chris Hansen obviously has been in the 614.

- Ever wonder what "Driving with inappropriate alertness" means? Colondra, care to explain?

- All dash-cams should have a 24 hour feed.

- Maurice Clarett, is looking for housing in Omaha, just keep an eye on his water bottle. Also, what the fuck is the UFL? Oh, that's the UFL.

- Antonio Bryant's time in the 'Nati has come to an end. He made roughly $7 million and never played a down. Awesome.

JAPAN: YOU COOL?

What?
We all look the same to you?

The Little League World Series came to an end yesterday in South Williamsport, Pa. We know, with the WNBA Playoffs it's almost impossible to pay attention to anything else. Anygays, Japan won, ending the United States' five year championship run. Great, they're better at game shows, weird commercials and now baseball? Whats next, better vending machines? Wait, what?

Hipster-Dino totally knew about Japan.
Five years ago.

EVERYDAY WE'RE HUSTLIN'

Everyday.
You best believe that, si?

Who ya got?

BACON: VIBE CRUSHING.

Ladies, we're not made out of money.
Cheddarfeller, not Rockefeller.

- NO, NO, NO. Panic sweeps Cheddnation, we may have to exercise terrible judgment.

- WTF Enid. Our press passes must have gotten lost. What we don't understand, why our note card in fedora didn't work. How rude.

- Bryce Harper Update: He's raping children('s minds). Bryce, why dont you have a seat right in that chair.

- If you plan on ordering any of these drinks. You are in the wrong bar.

- Mr. Jackson, you may have a job waiting for you in Columbus, you're work ethic should never be questioned.

- In other badass news.

Ladies, relax.
Everyone gets a star.

SO, YOUR HAIR LOOKS GREAT.

Now, for our next trick.
We'll need a condom, and a volunteer.

- Have you ever seen The Terminator? Well it's happening a little early.

- Mr. Cooke, we respecognize your love of bacon. Huzzah to you Sir, huzzah.

- In other Huzzah News. Toss up: Ren Faire Geeks or Juggalos?

- If you haven't seen this yet, sorry. We're sorry to be the ones that had to do that to you.

- This should make up for that. We're even.

- We're working our way through the list. You should do the same. Then again, maybe that's a bad idea.

Disapproving Weasel.
Disapproves.

Is It January Yet? Nah Man, It's August.

It's the last Friday of August. What does that mean? Not a whole lot, so here's some jams to get your weekend started.





Kevin Durant jumped on Wale's More About Nothing Mixtape to let the world know what he do. Here is one of my favorite tracks from the mixtape, aside from that gem KD delivered.


Click Download for the whole More About Nothing mixtape.






K.I.D.S. is Mac Miller's latest mixtape. Download it. The 18 year old from Pittsburgh is legit.

If you're a fan of any of these tracks, check out our friends over at PB&J. They were nice enough to add us as a Buddy.

We Told You.

Stephen Strasburg will need Tommy John surgery. See you never, Nats "fans".



Let the Bryce Harper era begin.



Jesus, this kid looks like he packs more plant than Brady Anderson.



Cool status, doucher. BRRRROOO, FUCKING INCEPTION, BRO.

DC Sports summed up.

BEST BURGERS, BEST BALLERS.

Is that Christian Fucking Laettner?
Behind the talent.

Team USA beat the Greek National team, yes that Greek National Team, 87-59. The U.S. went 4-0 in the lead up to Saturday's start of the FIBA World Championship in Turkey. The Greek Team obviously strayed from they're normal pre-game routine of gyros and WWF tapes in Nenad's Mom's basement.

The Team Manager made the mistake of having BK set up that Whopper Bar in the locker room. What no tzatziki? Malakas!

Usually we don't smoke inside.
But, for you we'll make an exception
We'll open a window.

THERE WILL BE CHEDDAR.

The Cheddar draft board is looking fierce. Bulger or Campbell in the first round, Mason Crosby in the second. Things are looking up for team Ched-Skins. We had given thought to Chris Cooley but, he's injury prone and, he really doesn't like drywall.

That is the opposite of this.

At 1:55 you can see why we're not allowed Forklift Privileges at work anymore. Also, why we're never riding public transport ever again.

Ladies, a pleasure as always.
We hit 500.
Without enhancement creams.
Boo-yah.

TO CATCH A PREDA-PIGEON

Meanwhile in Barcelona, it seems pigeon duke can really mess your old buildings up. Those wily Spaniards have come up with a solution, PIGEON NET GUN. First things first, why are all of those birds in one spot? It must be impossible to walk the streets. Secondly, let us hold that net gun Bromigo.

SORRY OFFICER, WE'LL KEEP IT DOWN.

Ladies, take it easy.
We've all had a long night.
Maybe we can do it again sometime.

Wow.

How strange.
Our wish lists are identical.

UPDATE: CANADA LOVES TO SWEEP.

You know that rapper from Degrassi?

GIVE THAT FAN A CONTRACT.

POGOS, PEDOBEARS AND, TEEN WEREWOLVES. OH MAN-ZO

We just need another perspective.
That's all.

- They're jumping around in Salt Lake. This is all you need.

"I want to see it become a staple of culture in the same way that skateboarding is and BMX is," Ryan says." I want to change the connotations associated with what a pogo stick is."

- This is genius. The Ched uses snarky witticism. It's super effective.

- Don't no one on the corner has swagger like Russ.

- At least Sasquatch got what he wanted for his birthday.

LITTLE LEAGUE WORLD SERIES, WNBA PLAYOFFS, MY DICK.

Unless there's anything else you'd like to say, you're free to leave.

GTL: GYM, TWIN, LAUNDRY.

Ladies.
Are you ready for some football?

- The 2010 NCAA Football Polls for week one of the season are out. Alabama, Ohio State, Boise State, Florida and, Texas are your top five so..

- Jay Mariotti, columnist and certified jack ass, had something to say last night. His girlfriend, wasn't trying to hear that see. Everyone who has seen Around the Horn will sleep a little easier tonight. The streets are safer for us all.

- Oh mansies. We're going to go work on our abs.

- Has anyone seen the pencil case?

- This beats computer time in the MacLab any day.

Have fun tonight.

Just keep quiet when you girls get in.

GET HIM TO THE GREEK.

Nenad Kristic of the Oklahoma City Thunder and Serbian National Team decided to spice things up a bit with a steel chair & Undertaker-esque chokeout during a FIBA friendly between Serbia and Greece. Turns out you get arrested for that type of thing.

Street-Cred: +1

ALABAMA, ARKANSAS.

By request only.

Being an adult sucks.
We'll just have to adjust.
In our own way.

Suitcase.
Out.

ARE YOU THERE GOD, IT'S ME ALBERT.

Hey, Buddy.
Man, you look thirsty.
Don't you remember what we said last time?
What?
Both, your belly and your head hurt?
Oh Man, we're sorry.
Go ahead take some time off.
Most professionals do.
This is how you gain a reputation.
Both on and off the field.
You're doing great.
Don't listen to them.

GIVING UP THE TWIN.

Ladies, we've got ADD.
Unless, you've got big titties,
and a Stinky Cheddar baby tee.

- The ol' Gunslinger is coming back for his 20th season. The countdown begins, "will he, won't he 2011". We're psyched.

- Roger Clemens is being called a liar, by the Federales. Rocket this is kind of a big deal.

- While you were wasting your time with the World Basketball Festival. Some official bad-asserry was afoot in Orlando. This dude won, and people cheered, mainly for his mustache.

- Elsewhere in Florida. Parenting and Car-pooling, lessons.

- HOLY SHIT. We're sorry, we thought you said wooden slide, wait what? Oh God.

- Weezer is still doing this? Clever clever.

- Now have a break..

A. C. Slater.
We're out.

TOLD YOU.

NEW HIGH SCORE.

Let's be honest.
You didn't need to borrow anything,
did you?

- Helping you avoid the working part of "working day". We do what we can, no need to thank us.

- Anthony, we may need your marketing skills. "You work on the internet, right?"

- ORLY SHRLOK. So we're not the only ones. No shit, We hope a lot of money and time went into this research. Thanks science. Next time call us first.

- Why won't these people leave us alone. This is worse than the grocery store near HQ.

- Gary Busey is terrifying and "that bone chilling sound" was AllDay fumbling, and Toby Gerhart running it in for the three yard TD.

THIS HAPPENED.

About your hair,

you needn't care,
you look beautiful all of the time.

- Bwahahahahah. Thank you Mr. Pace.

- Take Glen Coffee off your draft boards. Don't sweat it, Frank Gore will be there with the sixth pick. He should be healthy for seven (non-consecutive) weeks this season. We'd take Gore (if we were in your la league-ah).

IS DWAYNE WADE A 7th-GRADER-HATER?

"Another deflection, D-Wade...bucket."

Fuck your Dr. Grip, pussy.

YESTERDAY'S NEWS, TOMORROW.

Your newest ex.

Our newest Cheddarette.

- Udonis Haslem, welcome to the club Slick. Much love to the cop that got one more car with illegal tints off the road. Nothing is more dangerous than a car window that manages to offer privacy to the owner and also keeps out UV rays while keeping the car cooler. You guys get it, right?

- First there was a controversial QB in Pittsburgh. It seems there may be a QB controversy in Western PA. Byron Leftwich, who is roughly 56 (apparently he's only 30), is in competition with Dennis Dixon, former Heisman candidate and beast at Oregon, for the starting job while Big Ben sits out his suspension.

- This is terrifying. How is that mini panic attack all over your face? He may have redeemed himself though.

- Football Jesus, scored his first NFL rushing touchdown, he also got rocked on the way in. Every TD should be called "the joy of six" (45 sec.). This guy totes agrees.

- Reason number 506,892 the Ipad is a necessity.

ANY TWIN AT ALL.

What you think we blog for?

To push a fucking rav4?

- So get this. Doog's medical training should help with the twins.

- Genetically Modified Mosquito. Sounds more terrifying than it is.

- OMG. A peanut covered in a potato chip! A handsome prize to whomever can get these to us first.

- In other food/bacon news we need two cases sent to HQ post haste. We'll need help washing this down.

- Warrant and The Biebs were in town last night. We're still waiting for a response to our invite.

- Remember when you could safely make the "Tiger vs. the field" argument? That argument don't work for you no mo'.

WE ADMIT, WE'VE BEEN LAX.

Ladies. Don't have us break this thing down for nothing.
Now, we'd like to see you on your baddest behavior.
Lend us some sugar, we're neighbors.

- The Shanahan era started with a bang last night. The Redskins were not gracious host to the Bills, details here.

- Google brought us this. Bacon is a beautiful thing, with that in mind, do the math. To have NO MORE than a pound of bacon delivered monthly to your house these fucks want you to pay them 510 American dollars, FOR SHIPPING! The bacon itself is $149. Grand total, $659, for bacon. This better be the best bacon ever. Otherwise the expense account has been drained and there will be hell to pay.

- The fArt Department thought you should know this is happening. D. Wade is ducking, no idea why, that court is paddeded. Why would you (zucchini) duck this?

- Drank Update: JaMarcus Russell, your career has officially been chopped and screwed. Don't worry, you're not the only one.

- This happened 7 years ago? Drinks on the porch anyone? No?

COPS WAS ON?

Hey Travis, why are you so sweaty?




- This happened last night. You should have been there.

- Oh man, remember this? This happened. Guess who is single?

- Twenty days until college football season. Excited?

- All your base are belong to us. Don't forget it.

We're going to work on our base tan. So, lock up when you leave.

THE H IS O.

A swimming pool with no bodies.
Is a problem that we can fix.

Ched HQ is currently 750 degrees. We ask that everyone adhere to our eXtreme business causual attire request today. Ladies, we aren't enjoying this anymore than you are. It's for our own good. So go find us that old box fan and make sure to turn off the lights when you're done. We'll be here if you need us.

Whatever gets you through your day. These should help.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

- Also, Tim Tebow doesn't like you using all the air in the filter and not replacing it. He'll just keep his, in his room.

HAPPINESS IS A WARM TWIN.

A return to normalcy. This is nice. No?

- Isiah don't work in New York, no mo'. We didn't see this ending poorly.

- Another product request. For field research, of course.

- It is birthday season so, if you know anyone at Gibson, this 'basstar' is a necessity. Lest you want Le Ched to fail. It's not too much to ask.

- This is happening. Never would have guessed she would need a stunt double.

- You ever see Armageddon? Try this.

- Russel Brand is a motorist. A motorist who crashed one of these. We know it's late but sweet shit man that's a $230,000 automobile. Head on a swivel Russ.

- So, wait, Lady Gaga doesn't have a dong? Lily, you weren't the only one who was confused. We still appreciate what you do.

- We should all take some time to reflect on our youth. You should do this more often, we're just trying to help. We do because we care about you, we do this to motivate you.

ZUCCHINI DUCK APPROVES.

Buck Showalter became the first manager in Major League history to win 8 of his first 9 games, leading the brO's to a 3-1 win over the Indians, Wednesday night.

Brad Bergesen tossed a two hit complete game. Brian Roberts had a big night going 3-4 with a homer, his second of the season.

Big ups fellas, big ups. Zucchini Duck seems to be fan.

BIG TROUBLE IN REAL (NORTH) KOREA.

Soccer Update.

FIFA is launching an investigation to find out if the North Korean national soccer team has been mistreated since returning home after being swept (0-3) out of the 2010 World Cup. The teams' head coach has gone so far as to say that he fears for his safety. In other soccer news, FIFA is continuing to research goal-line camera technology. After the referees' failings this year and in years past, a couple extra cameras sound like a good idea. Wouldn't you agree?

GULP.

Hey, Hey Hey.

Sorry, you probably get that all the time.
Anyway.
How do you plan on handling this?
First with the conditioning test.
Then this heat.
AND NOW,
Coach Haslet wants you "ole-ing"?
Sounds kind of gay.
Or Spanish.
Either way, we're worried about you.
Rest up, Big Guy.
Drink lots of water and stay cool.
Don't want you cramping up out there.
We'll be here if you need us.